Do You Know How Much You Hurt Me?
by ItachiIsReallyByakuya
Summary: What happens when Allen comes back from a six year mission to find Kanda with Lavi. In His bed.


Allen walked into the room not expecting what he saw

Allen walked into the room not expecting what he saw. There on his bed was Kanda, and he was screwing Lavi.

Allen had been gone for 6 years for some stupid general mission and he comes back to this. The stupid bastard had promised him he would not cheat, no matter what. Now Allen comes back to see him fucking Lavi. On HIS bed.

"FUCK THE WHAT!!" The young exorcist yelled at the top of his lungs. Both men looked up at him. They shared the same look, a deer caught in the headlights.

"A-A-Allen. I-It's not what you think," Kanda spluttered out.

"It looks to me like you broke a promise," Allen left the room and broke out in a run. Tears streamed down his face. He couldn't believe what had just happened. Why had Kanda done this to him? Was he not the one who said before Allen left that he promised no matter how long he was gone he would not sleep with anyone else? Why did he have to break his promise? Did he not know that it would also break Allen's heart?

After about ten minutes of pure sprinting Allen couldn't run anymore. He collapsed and curled up into a ball and cried. He didn't know how long he was there, but he knew it was long enough that he had cried himself to sleep.

The next thing Allen knew he was waking up in his bed (Just the thought of what Kanda and Lavi had done in the bed made him want to be sick), across from him sat the last person he wanted to see.

"Why are you here Kanda," Allen muttered into his pillow.

"Well, lets see. You fell asleep in the hallway so I thought I would carry you back to your room."

"That doesn't explain why your still here."

"I wanted to make sure you where all right." At this Allen sat up from his bed and walked toward the man before slapping him across the face. Hard.

"What makes you think that you have the right to see if I'm okay? You don't even care about me enough to keep one fucking promise. Was it that hard," By now Allen had burst into tears. "Do you..hic.. Have any idea…hic…how much you…hic…hurt me?"

"I know how much I hurt you Moyashi, but let-" Kanda moved forward and cupped Allen's cheek as he talked.

"Don't touch me. And DO NOT call me Moyashi," Allen slapped Kanda's hand away from his face. He wiped away the reminisce of sadness as it made way for anger. "I have one question to ask you before you leave. Why?"

"Will you let me explain without interruption?"

"Yes."

"It's simple. A month after you left we were told that you were not returning. You had joined the Noah. I was furious. At first I didn't believe it could be true. I waited weeks for you too come back, then months, and then years. I turned toward Lavi for comfort. It evolved from there."

"Why in my bed?"

"I had been in here reminiscing. Thinking about you. Wondering why you had changed sides. I thought it might have been something I had done. Lavi came and comforted me. It kind of grew and we started makin-"

"I don't want to hear anymore. It's obvious that I was wrong."

"I knew you would underst-"

"I was wrong about how much you loved me. How much you cared. I meant nothing to you, I understand." The youngest exorcist walked toward the door and opened it. "I'm going to talk to Komui. See if I can get transferred to the Asia branch. I hope I'll see you again one day. Maybe then we can be friends." Allen closed the door behind himself.

Kanda rushed forward and swung the door open. He peered down the hall, and no one was there.

That was the last time Kanda saw Allen. At least for two years.

He hated this. Why was Bak-Chan making him go back. He didn't want to face Kanda again, which he knew he would have to if he returned. It had taken him many sleepless nights, but he had finally grasped the concept that he could live without Kanda. It was tough but he could do it.

Allen stood in front of the door. In a few minutes he would be back at his home. Or at least what he used to consider his home.

Talking a deep breath Allen stepped through the doors, Bak was beside him to lead him to the other door. This made no sense to Allen, since he was the fourteenth he knew the way to every door. Yet every time he made a trip through them he always had to have a guide.

There it stood. The door that would either lead to total disaster or a hopeful future. Allen took the handle and pulled. There on the other stood his friends. Komui, Linalee, Miranda, Krory, Lavi, everyone except Kanda.

"Hi guys," Allen greeting them as he walked into his old home. He could still remember his first day. He had climbed the killer cliff just to be rejected by the door, which still scared, and almost getting cut in half by Kan-. He cut the memory off there.

"ALLEN!" Lavi came flying at him. As soon as Lavi touched him his back stiffened, and memories of that day came flooding back. Allen pushed Lavi off of him, not to politely, and continued greeting everyone. He knew it wasn't Lavi's fault, but he couldn't help not being happy with the man. He may have been his friend, but he couldn't think of him like that anymore. After a brief reunion, Linalee lead Allen to his room.

As soon as he entered, he wished he hadn't. There sitting on his bed was Kanda, and man did he look a lot different. His hair was no longer in a pony tail. At the back of his head the hair was teased up. Many piercings adorned his face, including; Snake bites, right eyebrow piercing, and three on his left ear and two on his right. Kanda was still wearing his exorcist's jacket, except now it hung open to show a corset top and black skinny jeans.

"H-h-hi," Allen stuttered, completely frozen in the door way.

"Hello Allen," Kanda spoke. He stood and slowly made his way across the small room towards the boy he had once, and probably still did, loved.

"Y-you called me Allen."

"It is your name isn't it.

"Yes, but of all the time I've known you, you always called me Moyashi."

"Except you not Moyashi," Kanda murmured under his breath. Except because of the size of the room Allen heard him

"What do you mean by that?"

"Moyashi wouldn't have left."

"I had to," Allen voice had grow quite.

"No you didn't!" Kanda was starting to get really angry. "You didn't have to leave. Do you know how much that hurt me? To see you walk away a second time. Not knowing when I would see you again." He was on a role now; Allen had never heard him talk so much. "I wanted to die. My heart felt like there was a huge hole in it. You where my everything and you left, you walked away and left me to cry again. Why? Why the fuck would you do that Moya-," He stumbled over the boys nickname, "Allen, why?" Kanda's voice had worked its way down to a whisper. Tears started to roll down his cheeks.

"Its not my fault!" He was so angry at the man for yelling at him. He was angrier with himself though, for doing this to the man he loved.

"So it's mine now is it." Kanda had stop crying and was wiping the tears away.

"Yes it is. This woudn't have happen if you hadn't broken your promise."

"No. In the end it all boils down to the fact that you're a Noah. That's what it is."

"How the fuck is me being a Noah what started this."

"I don't know it just is."

"I knew it was a mistake to come back. Sure, I thought maybe we could be friends and one day we would learn to trust each other again and we could be lovers again. But I guess I was wrong." Allen left the room for the last time. He left the Black Order as well. If he was going to continue to go after the Earl he was going to do it alone.

Niji- Ok, Very crappy ending but still… My very first not comical story!! Yay. Please review!!

_**DISCLAIMER—I DO NOT OWN D.GRAY-MAN OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS.**_


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